05 September 2006

#24 - An Unquiet Mind

This book, an autobiography by Kay Redfield Jamison, explores the author's experience of manic-depressive illness (her preferred term for the disorder). Not only is it an excellent, though dark, read, it was an important one for me as well. I also have bipolar disorder, so it was an opportunity for me to learn about someone who has had similar experiences to my own.

26 August 2006

In a Torah Zone

Today, I chanted Torah at my synagogue. I chanted from parashat Shoftim, which happens to be my Bat Mitzvah portion. Perhaps because one of my non-Jewish friends was there, or perhaps because I wanted to prove to myself I could do it, I chanted without mistake. Another congregant put it best: I was "in a Torah zone." I think it was the best I have ever chanted, including in terms of flow, accuracy, and feeling.

There are other ways to be in a Torah Zone as well. One is recognizing that Torah is still relevant today. What better portion to use to prove this point than Shoftim? In its third verse, it commands, "Justice, justice shall you pursue." At first, this verse seems straightforward. Pursue justice. Easy, right? It seems so at first. Doing what is right (tzedek, the Hebrew word I have translated as justice can also mean righteousness) is simple most of the time. We can look at situations and see the right action to take. Taking that action is generally also easy. Usually, it benefits us to take the right action. Occasionally, it can be hard for us to take the right action, because that action goes against our immediate self-interest, but these times are few and far between.

However, doing justice and pursuing justice are two different ideas. It is easy to do right in a given situation when we think about it. But to pursue justice, justice must be on our minds all the time. We can't put it on the back burner. Some commentaries suggest that the repetition of the word "tzedek" in the verse states that both the means and the ends to the pursuit of justice must be just. In other words, an action is not just if the reason for it just but it turns out bringing harm to the world. And if the reasons for an action are just, but the outcome of it is not, then justice has not been increased.

We are told in Genesis that humans are created in the image and likeness of God. Thus, one concept of justice is to bestow the respect that this special status comes with onto each person we meet. To treat others as in God's image brings us closer to fulfilling that ideal as well. Disregarding fellow human beings is to disregard God, and therefore to disregard the values that we associate with God. (I realize the preceding may sound weird coming from an atheist, but the concept of בצלם אלהים is one of the foundations of my own Jewish practice, and although I do not recognize God as such currently, I recognize the dignity that is associated with God, and try to bring that into my relations with others.)

Another ideal we are commanded to pursue is that of שלום, peace or wholeness. I don't think the two are so different. By pursuing justice, we are in fact adding to the שלום in our world. Justice brings peace, just as peace inspires justice.

24 August 2006

Sharp Dresser

Maybe my life would have been different. If my grandmother hadn't had lung cancer, maybe she'd still be alive. She died of it before I turned five, my third granparent to do so.

She was always fashionable, with the latest clothing from Saks and other stores. At some point some of her clothes fit me, and if I lose some weight, maybe they will again. I especially like the sweaters she knit herself. Maybe if she lived longer, she would have taught me how to dress, either by example or by gifts.

However, alas, she did not.

Instead, I learned sharp dressing from my grandfather, well, except for that awful beret. Suits, ties, nice shirts, slacks, sportscoats - suave. I want that presence when I dress. It's not about being butch, or a butch, because I'm not. It's not about being a man, because I'm not. Rather it's about expressing myself through my clothes. To quote my new friend Brian, "Putting on a tie is a spiritual experience."

My everyday attire consists of sandals (Tevas, specifically), jeans or cargo pants, t-shirt, maybe sweat-shirt or coat, and a backwards baseball cap.

When I dress in "men's" shirt and tie, "men's" pants, wide belt, and "men's" shoes, I feel myself: confident, caring, sharp. On Shabbat, I am in appropriate attire to marry the Queen. On other occasions, my demeanor is reflected in my clothing. It says, "I am fully present."

Not that wearing women's clothing cannot be equally empowering; it's just not for me. When I wear it, I feel nervous about looking too everything. As a result, I am not myself. So don't ask me to dress up girly, unless you want me to be in drag.

#23 - Twice Blessed: On Being Lesbian or Gay and Jewish

This collection of essays, edited by Christine Balka and Andy Rose, is the second collection of queer Jewish writings I have read. It was as enlightening as the first, and I identified with much of what was written. The essays are of varying quality, but overall a good read if you have an interest. Not to harp on this, but queer Jews exist, and we write about our experiences - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Michael Steinhardt and I have something in common

He's a self-described atheist.

It might surprise you to learn that I am a self-described atheist as well. However, events in my life have led me to struggle so much with God's eternity, which I believe God must have to truly be God. There are moments in my life when I believe in God so strongly that my belief is undeniable, but those are few and far between. However, I am still struggling with God, like Yisrael, to connect those moments. I expect to work on this for a while, quite seriously, in fact. Becoming a rabbi is my ambition, and I would like to believe in God before I go to rabbinical school.

22 August 2006

Happy News

So, I'm cultivating a relationship with an old high-school friend whom I hadn't spoken to in over a year. We reconnected at a dinner and have been practically inseparable ever since. We don't want to rush into a relationship however, so we're trying our best to take things slow and develop a friendship first. She's amazing, just saying.

11 August 2006

#22 - Sages and Dreamers

Sages and Dreamers is a collection of portraits of Biblical, Talmudic, and Hasidic figures. Each portrait, crafted skillfully by Elie Wiesel, is informative and entertaining at the same time. I liked the Talmudic portraits especially. This book made me think.

#21 - Night of Sorrows

This novel is the second book I've read by an author I'm glad to call my friend. Frances Sherwood writes fluid prose about the invasion of the Aztecs by Cortes, featuring his translator Malintzin. The plot kept me on my toes and I was able to learn some Spanish out of the deal as well. Romance, war, interesting people: this book has it all. An excellent read for mature audiences.

02 August 2006

Queering Aggada

So, back to the philosophical posts, I suppose.

I have been reading Twice Blessed: On Being Lesbian or Gay and Jewish, and I find that many of the essays discuss the "queering" of sacred texts that I am well familiar with. These include reading homosexuality into the relationships of David and Jonathan, as well as Ruth and Naomi. One that surprised me, however, is the queering of the legend of Akiba and his wife Rachel. Someone, I'm blanking now, writes that we can read into the text that their marriage was a cover-up because they were not straight. This is why Akiba was able to leave Rachel for so long.
(He left for 12 years at the house of study, then left for 12 more, according to legend).

Also, on the same topic, (this is mine now) could Ben Azzai and Ben Zoma have been partners of sorts? After all, neither was married.

30 July 2006

#20 - The Art of Public Prayer: Not for Clergy Only

This book, by Lawrence A. Hoffman, sets up the current state of public prayer in America as a problem. The author sees that many attend worship sessions which are unfulfilling. He poses as a solution looking at public prayer as a sacred drama. A good, quick read, which may be interesting to some.

22 July 2006

A big distance in small steps

It has now been more than six years since my beloved passed, more than six years since I have heard her voice for real, more than six years since I have felt her loving hand in mine. But even as I struggle to keep her memory alive, I know that I must move on.

#19 - Lesbian Rabbis: The First Generation

Edited by Rebecca T. Alpert, Sue Levi Elwell, and Shirley Idelson, this anthology of the experiences of 18 lesbian rabbis has been most instructive to me as I come closer to applying to rabbinical school myself. To read the experiences of the queer rabbis that are my heroines in the way they have faced adversity has helped me hone in on what makes me want to be a rabbi. Although this book may not be for everyone, it has been well read by yours truly.

Shaving

I am in the closet at work. Since there are no protections in South Bend, or for that matter, the state of Indiana, I decided to closet myself to be on the safe side. I do not fear backlash from my co-workers, but rather backlash from the parents of the kids were they to find out about my sexuality.

Anyway, I'm trying to be a little less visible than normal. In other words, I am trying to pass as heterosexual. It's not that hard, given that most of my coworkers assume the heterosexuality of everyone they know unless told otherwise.

Thus, shaving. Mostly, I've been wearing long pants and t-shirts to work. However, free swim days necessitate that I shave because society states that straight women shave their armpits and their legs. (Yes, I recognize this is not universal practice among straight women.)

Shaving saps my strength. The first time I shaved all summer, I was exhausted for the rest of the day. I think the act of passing intentionally is magnified by actions it requires, and passing is much more painful when done intentionally than unintentionally. Thus, by shaving, I was actively passing as opposed to letting myself pass, and I let the pain take away my energy.

#18 - Synagogue Life

This book is a study of the functionings of an modern Orthodox synagogue. It is very interesting, yet dense. My interest in communal prayer ritual led to a recommendation of this book by my adviser. Heilman, an Orthodox Jew himself, writes about his community with respect and a certain amount of detachment. The book is highly interesting, but I would only recommend going out of your way to read it if you already share interest in one of the many subjects covered therein, which range from the functions of the gabbai to the social implications of gossip.

02 July 2006

#17 - When Bad Things Happen to Good People

I don't know what else to say about this one other than "Read this book. Whatever you do, read it."

This is because it is so hard to transmit the ideas better than Kushner does himself, or even adequately, in some sort of summary. The argument follows from beginning to end seamlessly.

01 July 2006

Quoth the raven, "Nevermore"

Never more than this past quarter have the words of Isaiah (after which I have titled this portion) spoken to me so much. I needed to know that my exile from reality would not last forever, that even if I have deserted God, God will not desert me. Through my mania and my depression, protection is afforded me, and I can take comfort in that fact.

Sorry I have been so absent from my blog, but the last few months have been crazy.

30 March 2006

Half a "Phew!"

At my Bat Mitzvah, after my part was done on Friday night, the rabbi told me to utter half a "phew" because I was half-finished with my service-leading for the Shabbat.

Anyway, now I say half a "phew" in relief. I have gotten into all the classes I want to take. Most are interesting, but one is simply amusing.

In core biology yesterday I learned that ice floats, that oil and water don't mix, and that you can't superimpose your right hand on your left hand.

28 March 2006

Return of the King

I'm back in Chicago and back at the University. This is absolutely wonderful. I don't know what I'd have done if they did not let me back. I think I can get into all the classes I want to take. I am taking a class called Body/Soul: Approaches to Prayer; it is nothing like I expected it to be, but I think it will be a good experience. We are required to do a 'prayer exercise', which is designed to be accessible to those of all religious persuasions and lack thereof (we'll see about that, I suppose). I find this at the same time creepy and extremely interesting. The idea is to turn ourselves into subjects on a quest to find out what changes prayer causes and for whom it causes them. So far, I think the course may be harder to access for people who are not themselves the type who pray. For me, the prayer exercise is a change because it involves private meditation rather than communal prayer. However, since I have on occasion done meditation, I think I will get used to it.

26 March 2006

#16 - Israel's Golda Meir: Pioneer to Prime Minister

This book by Iris Noble is a glowing portrait of Golda Meir. I don't recommend it - the only attribute that distinguishes it is its positivity. Thus, it is a portrait more than a biography. Every person has more than one side, but this book portrays the first female Prime Minister of Israel to be flat and flawless.

25 March 2006

#15 - My Name is Asher Lev

My Name is Asher Lev is an excellent read. About a Chasid who paints a crucifixion, the book is both well-written and interesting. I have been a fan of Chayim Potok since I read The Chosen, but had never gotten around to reading this book until now. I was honestly sorry to have finished it.
Careful, the book is a bit grim.

It also spoke to me as someone who has come out - it made me feel extraordinarily lucky, which I suppose I am.

#14 - The Riddle of Scheherazade: And Other Amazing Puzzles

This book of logic puzzles has a narrative, and therefore counts. Only read this if you like logic puzzles though, and the narrative is only good for young readers. Raymond Smullyan is a logic genius.

14 March 2006

#13 - Archy and Mehitabel

Archy and Mehitabel, by Don Marquis, is told by Archy, a cockroach who hijacks a typewriter at the New York Sun. Archy, obviously cannot work the shift, so no capitals or punctuation marks appears, though he sometimes types them out. Archy and Mehitabel is a collection of Archy's poetry, primarily about his friend, Mehitabel the Cat. Don Marquis introduced Archy in his column, "The Sun Dial", in 1916. Archy and Mehitabel is the first collection of Archy (or should I write archy s) columns. A fun read, may be difficult for very young readers.

#12 - From Zero to Infinity

I knew the mathnerd in me would come out sometime in this blog. Hi, I'm Kythe, and I'm a mathnerd. (How many closets have I stepped out of now?) Anyway, From Zero to Infinity, by Constance Reid is a fun read. If you know how to do arithmetic, then you will be able to follow along, and if you want to know why numbers are interesting in ways that don't apply to science or money, this is your book. Fun and easy-going. Warning: It might turn you into a math person.

Happy Purim (or should I say Gay Purim?)

On Sunday, during a Purim Assembly at the religious school where I'm filling in as a Hebrew teacher, Rabbi Dan Rabeshaw said that everything gets turned upside down on Purim. That, coupled with this essay by Steven Greenberg (an out gay Orthodox rabbi), which I found from the linked site (below), remind me of how queer-positive a holiday Purim should be. Purim is about turning things upside-down until their true character is. It's like voluntarily letting someone hold you over a garbage can until you speak the truth.

The Purim Story: A queen won't submit to her king, then the king shouldn't be king in the first place, his advisor controls him, a lowlife Jew becomes queen, a lottery happens where the winners are losers, the new queen confronts the king, an edict gets overturned, the guy who wanted to kill others gets hanged.

Practices: We dress in costumes, we get intoxicated, we are pushed to hide and then reveal who we truly are, just like Esther in the story.

While Purim may be a symbol of encouragement to those who want to come out, I am not sure we need a National Jewish Coming Out Day. I'm not even sure I approve of National Coming Out Day. We need to work to make it safe for people to come out every day, not only once or twice a year. While Purim may remind us of the positives of coming out, we must acknowledge that people come out when they are most ready and most safe in doing so.

Aside: I think Purim can be especially significant for trans-folks out there. Anyway, I know it was a type of draw for one.

08 March 2006

#11 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Hunchback of Notre Dame, one of Victor Hugo's classic novels, has a captivating story. However, the writing did not grab me the way I expected it to, despite the numerous good lines. Perhaps it was due to the translation I read (the Scholastic edition). Perhaps it was due to the time difference between the writing and now, but I have generally enjoyed books from that period by any author, the exception being Billy Budd, by Melville.

Anyway, a it's a good, long read, so if you have the time, you should spend it on this book.

07 March 2006

TransAmerica

Seeing TransAmerica was an experience to say the least. I spent most of the time trying not to cry and/or vomit due to how upset I felt. Granted, this feeling was not appropriate, but I cannot say that it was invalid. TransAmerica should make me happy due to its trans-positive nature. But not everybody has that opportunity.

Asshole, continued

This week, Eilu v'Eilu published Rabbi Librach's closing argument.

In it, he argues that Rabbi Saperstein's assessment that Rabbi Librach is wrong because he is "out of sync" with most Reform Jews is unjust because one can be right even in the minority. Then he goes on to say that Rabbi Saperstein and the majority of Reform Jews are incorrect because they are in the minority of Americans. Superb reasoning, don't you think?

He argues that complete separation of Church and State is purely political. Aren't all matters concerning law political? Since when did political become a dirty word.

He also states: "I am grateful that we live in a religious country, so yound and yet so great. I do not fear its Christian character or the religious intesity of its Christian citizens." I, too, do not fear the Christian character of the culture of this country. Neither do I fear the intensity of its Christian citizens. However, I do fear the zealousness and self-righteousness of a small group of its Christian citizens. Furthermore, we must make a distinction between having a religious country and a country of religious people. Thankfully, we have the latter, at least for the time being.

04 March 2006

Freedom of Religion is Good, as Long as You Practice Mine

I don't understand the notion in interfaith circles that as long as we pray to one deity, we are being inclusive. It's a bit - well, hypocritical.

03 March 2006

Separation of Church and State, or How to be a First-Class Asshole

Recently I started receiving a publication from the URJ called Eilu v'Eilu, which is a point-counterpoint publication on various issues. The first issue was separation of Church and State. The initial arguments were good, although neither author argued excellently. Rabbi David Saperstein, who is the Director of the Religious Action Center, argued that strict separation of Church and State is necessary and indeed benefits Jews, while Rabbi Clifford Librach argued that the founding fathers had no intention of a strict separation between Church and State, and that one that is lax benefits Jews more than a strict one. I tend to agree with Rabbi Saperstein, and I think that the arguments are obvious.

But the futility of this particular point-counterpoint argument is not what concerns me. What concerns me is the manner in which Rabbi Librach answered questions from readers after the initial arguments were sent out. It was clear he did not respect the readers' opinions or knowledge. And what makes that more annoying is that they, unlike me, are mostly well-educated middle-aged persons.

01 March 2006

Judaism, Gender, and Blessings of Children

It has been probably a month or so since we read the parasha wherein we read that all the sons of Israel will be blessed in a certain way. Specifically we say, "May God make you like Ephraim and Menasheh." However, what do we actually know about Ephraim and Menasheh? From Torah, we know they are Joseph's sons and Jacob adopts them, and we know Menasheh is older than Ephraim. I am not sure what is in Talmud or Midrash, but the Torah itself is not very specific.

We also bless the daughters of Israel with a specific blessing. We say, "May you be like Ruth and like Esther." We know so much about Ruth and Esther. For starters, each have their own books in the Bible. Ruth is the first convert, while Esther saves the Jews from genocide. Both are strong women. (Though Esther takes her cues from Mordechai, she still stands up to her husband.) "May you be like Ruth and like Esther" translates (for me) to "may you be strong, may Judaism be important to you, and may you help others."

So why such a detailed description of what women should be like and such an empty one of what men should be like? (And of course, the binary gender paradigm persists throughout.)

26 February 2006

South Dakota - The New Kansas

South Dakota banned abortions. This is a deliberate move to challenge Roe v. Wade, as well as the "health and life of the mother" test. One wonders if South Dakota is taking its cues from Kansas. However, there is a difference: Kansas restricts its stupidity to state law, not federal law.

Anyway, it would be a disaster to overturn Roe v. Wade for various reasons. Currently, women are better off than before Roe. v. Wade. First and foremost, women's safety is increased because of legalized abortions. Women have more control over their own bodies and do not perform back-alley abortions as frequently. Secondly, women who have been sexually abused are able to deal with that without having to deal with a physical product of that abuse. Third, health concerns of women as well as life concerns are protected. Reproductive rights also give women more control of their own lives.

25 February 2006

Ineffective Mode of Protest

I was going to write about this incident, but instead I will link you to a post in one of my friends blogs.

http://lightattaches.blogspot.com/2006/02/u-of-c-madness.html


I don't know if I could have said it better.

The Perfect Song

This song, one of my current and probably all time favorites, lives in that great ambiguity of being either about love God or about love on earth. Some parts remind me so much of my beloved they bring me to tears. The best example of this is the third stanza:

And we'll dance on a bed of roses,
And we'll swim in a spring of living waters
And at night we'll whisper "sweet dreams"
We'll embrace until the passing of the thunderstorm
And I'll know in my heart and I'll know in my soul
That life is complete because you are the one

Lyrics as follows (Copyright Noam Katz):

את האחת שיש לה את כל התשובות
לפני שאני פותח ספתי
את האחת שיש לה אור לבנה
בעיניה ושחר במבט שלה

כשנראה לי שדרך סגורה
כשנראה לי ששרשרת שבורה
את נושמת בי נשמה
והעולם עוד פעם הוא נולד

ונרקוד במטת שושנים
ונסחה במעין של מים חיים
ובלילה נלחש חלומות מטוקים
נחבק עד עוברת סופת הרעמים
ואדע בלבי ואדע בנפשי שחיים הם שלימים
כי את האחת

את האחת שיש לה כל המלאכים
הם מקיפים במכול ובשירה
את האחת שתמיד מזכירה לי
שמצתי את שאהבה נפשי

אלמלי לא פגשנו בעבר
לא אכפת לי היה שום דבר
ביום ההוא או ביום שמחר
יהיה לי הכוח לומר
שאת האחת

Noam's website

23 February 2006

#10 - All Quiet on the Western Front

All Quiet on the Western Front, by Erich Maria Remarque, is the story of a German soldier and his company in World War I. The writing can be quite plain at times, and the style of the book is not my favorite. However, this is a classic and a worthwhile read, with priceless lines interspersed therein.

22 February 2006

#9 - The Phantom Tollbooth

The link is because I can. HA HA HA HA! (Of course, it is the Oregon variety, but still, I have mad skills.)

Anyway, The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster is a wonderful romp through a young boy's imagination. The story is vaguely reminiscent of Le Petit Prince, but at the same time, it is entirely different. It is a quick read, and would be so even for an avid child reader. The book is about a boy who learns that learning is fun and productive, which makes it sound boring. However, it is quite the opposite.

A quick, fun read, especially recommended for young readers or readers with children who are young.

20 February 2006

The New Rabbi

Our new rabbi seems amazing. He is intelligent, warm, and friendly. I am excited for him to begin his tenure in South Bend.

#8 - Moral Choices

This collection of sermons by Rabbi Joseph Asher is quite excellent. What amazed me most is how timeless his sermons are. The writing is excellent, and there are such gems as "Plato is a better product than Attila the Hun." However, the book is very rare. As far as I know, only one is available on the internet. If you know me and you want to borrow it, you are most welcome.

#7 - Anne of Windy Poplars

Project Gutenberg in Australia deserves kudos this time.

We rejoin Anne Shirley in her adventures. This time, she is the principle of the Summerside school. She is passing three years waiting for Gilbert to finish medical school so they might be married. L. M. Montgomery used a different format in this book, using letters as much as narrative to tell a story. The book is well written as are the others, but for the first time I was bored by the series. The book should be great for young lovers of the adventures of Anne Shirley, but for older lovers of the series, this is the point to stop reading.

19 February 2006

Match Point

I saw Match Point yesterday. The film is excellent. The acting is good (and the actors are hot, which did not go unnoticed by me). The cinematography is wonderful, the plot is exciting, and the themes are timeless. I highly recommend it; it is probably the best movie I've seen this year.

15 February 2006

New Rabbi

My congregation selected a new rabbi. I will meet him on Sunday. Everyone seems enthusiastic, so I hope he lives up to that. We cannot take another situation like the last one.

14 February 2006

Putting Glasses Back On

Majority Leader of the Senate Bill Frist has said he will introduce a Constitutional Amendment banning same-sex marriage in June. This is a purely political move to try to boost Republican votes at the poles this November. It is a prime example of what Republicans are best at - screwing people over.

Since the country was founded we have been making positive steps toward equality. To write discrimination into our Constitution puts us back 150 years. Beyond that, it changes the overall direction of the country.

I'm starting to lose my Kantian ideals that as time progresses, we remove more and more of our eyeglasses.

13 February 2006

A Little Reminder

Hunting is a very dangerous pasttime and should be outlawed. Hopefully, something that will come out of the discussion about Cheney shooting his hunting buddy will prompt legislatures to outlaw recreational hunting.

Consultation on Conscience

Yesterday, I attended the URJ-Greater Chicago Consultation on Conscience, which was also sponsored by the Jewish Council on Urban Affairs (JCUA) and the Social Justice Religious Resource Network (SoJuRN). They tried to pack too much into one day, but, hell, don't we all?

I met Rabbi Marla Feldman, who heads the Social Action Commission for the URJ, and Rabbi Dan Rabeshaw, who is the director of the Great Lakes Region of the URJ. I also might have an internship at the JCUA. That would be awesome, but it will take more coordination and possibly early train rides (6:35 AM).

The workshops were interesting, although I knew most of the stuff already. Danny Siegel's speech was the best. Ziv Tzedakah is great, and he's a humorist, so it works.

We stopped at Kaufman's on the way. They have the best bagels ever. However, they don't make bialys any more. What's up with that?

12 February 2006

#6 - Anne of the Island

Another round of applause for Project Gutenberg.

Anyway, in this book (also by L. M. Montgomery), we follow Anne through her college years. The writing is as good as ever, but the plot is rather mundane. The author resorts to romance as the motivating factor, and leaves Anne's scrapes behind.

11 February 2006

Acceptance

I applaud my beloved's parents for being so understanding. Telling them about her gender was hard, but worth it, aside from the copious tears. I am amazed by and in awe of the way they took it. I'm not sure it gave them (or me) any closure on the situation, but it brought my true beloved to the table.

Gay Republicans

Yesterday, I saw Gay Republicans at ND. The cinematography is crap - a sort of 'I could do this with my cellphone' type of filming. On the other hand, some of the film editing and scenes were priceless in the context of the movie.

I admit the movie did not improve my understanding of gay republicans whatsoever, but it gave me a sense of how different (even in politics) they are from one another.

Insomnia and Grief

In South Bend, Indiana, the clock reads 5:20 AM. I have been awake since 4. I cannot sleep.

Either this is my normal insomnia brought on by a manic episode, or, more likely, it is due to grief for my beloved. She would have turned twenty-one today. I would have visited her, either way, since yesterday was (interestingly enough) Suicide Prevention Day at the UofC, and we would have had a gay old time (pun originally not intended).

I still wonder some times if I could have done anything, or why I didn't. Intellectually I know I am not at fault, but emotionally I feel I am.

I plan to tell her parents the whole story today when I call to speak with them. It will be one of the hardest conversations of my life.

10 February 2006

Quiet

Notre Dame is much quieter than the University of Chicago. The hallways are rather empty, and there aren't graduate students or undergrads chattering away as they walk. In fact, people tend to walk alone. Maybe this is normal behavior on college campuses, but it is a culture shock for me, because I am coming from the University of Chicago.

The Non-queer Non-Festival

On my quarter off from school (it also happens to be Suicide Prevention Day at the University of Chicago) I am taking advantage of some of the wonderful programs Notre Dame offers. Today is the second day of the conference "Gay and Lesbian Film: Filmmakers, Narrators, and Spectatorships" at ND. This event, formerly called the Queer Film Festival, includes screenings of various queer-themed films. Far from the type of movie shown at the Reeling Film Festival in Chicago, this conference showcases films such as Brokeback Mountain and Gay Republicans.

The title of the post comes from University of Notre Dame President John Jenkins, C.S.C., who tried to squash (and is still trying) the festival and, incidentally, performances of the Vagina Monologues, citing conflicts between the events and teachings of the Catholic Church. He claims that the name "Queer Film Festival" promotes homosexuality, which is against Catholic values. However, ND does not directly sponsor the event; it is sponsored by the film department, a student organization, and the Gay and Lesbian Alumni group, which ND does not officially recognize. (How sweet!) Thanks to adacemic freedom and professors who support it, the festival and the performance of the Vagina Monologues were able to continue (this year, at least) albeit under different formats. The Vagina Monologues will be performed in a classroom instead of on stage, and the performance will no longer be a fundraiser for the local YWCA. The president looks like an asshole in this respect because, first off, he claims that the Monologues are demeaning to women, and, secondly, he is against the charitable aspect of the program. The Queer Film Festival's name was changed because Festival sounds enthusiastic about the program, which he is not, and Queer sounds like it promotes homosexuality. I partly understand the argument for changing the name for Festival, but would only support it if the university itself sponsored the event. However, I do not understand the argument about changing 'queer' to 'gay and lesbian' for several reasons.

This change simply does not make sense. To begin with, 'queer' is more inclusive than 'gay and lesbian' which excludes bisexuals, the transgendered, the transexual, the intersex, and the genderqueer, or others who do not identify as heterosexual or homosexual women and men. Also, to name the festival 'queer' in an area where the word 'queer' is often used as a pejorative term took incredible guts by the organizers. The organizers risked danger of verbal and physical abuse for doing so.

Anyway, I am spending the day at my mother's office in order to be able to watch Gay Republicans this afternoon, which is somehow good but somewhat boring.

Addendum to the last post

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins. -Oliver Wendel Holmes

09 February 2006

Further Fanning of the Flames will not Force out the Fire

Ok, so I had a little fun with that title. However, this entry is quite serious. I am very disappointed in my friends and acquaintances who have chosen to republish the cartoon of the Prophet Mohammad with a bomb in his turban. This sort of action very disrespectful of Muslim culture, which, like the idea of building a fence around the Torah, forbids any visual depiction of the Prophet Mohammad for fear that vision will become worshipped and revered instead of the Prophet himself. This cartoon not only depicts Mohammad but does so in a most disrespectful way. This cartoon is in many ways much like anti-Semitic and Holocaust-denying cartoons which certainly anger most Jews. Choosing to republish it only adds to the angry atmosphere surrounding the cartoon.

Do not misunderstand me. I do not condone the violence which has spread across the Muslim world. Rather, I deplore it. However, I do not support anyone who intentionally or unitentionally incites violence or disrespects an entire culture.

07 February 2006

#5B - Anne of Avonlea

Another thanks to project Gutenberg.

Anne of Avonlea, by L. M. Montgomery, takes up where Anne of Green Gables left off. Anne, now a teacher at the Avonlea school, has progressed significantly since arriving at Green Gables. Marilla takes in twins who an helps raise. Davy reminds the reader very much of Anne, while Dora is very proper.

The writing and character development continue to be excellent. The story is almost as good as the first book, which is rare in a sequel. Same recommendation as #5A.

#5A - Anne of Green Gables

Yay, project Gutenberg. Anyway, Anne of Green Gables, by L.M. Montgomery is book 5A because this is not the first time I have read it. However, as I was going to read the second book of the series I decided to refresh myself on the first.

Anne of Green Gables is the story of Anne Shirley, an orphan who is taken in by two siblings who live in a house called Green Gables. They wanted a boy but Anne arrived by mistake. Nevertheless, they decide to keep her. The book follows our protagonist, indeed, our heroine, through the process of her growth. Although she gets into countless scrapes, her skills (practical and academic) improve, and her character as a good person develops. We also see her form loving relationships with others. The character development is unusually high for a children's novel, the plot is interesting, and the writing is superb. Recommended for kids and adults with them.

Mixed Feelings

Betty Friedan was an important figure in American culture, if not in the world.

She was a feminist, and, I suppose, a radical in her heyday. She pushed equality foreward, and for that, I am grateful. As a woman, and as an American, and even as a Jew, I owe much to her. However, her feminism was very much concentrated on equalizing gender within a binary system. If the price of the equality of men and women is the further marginalization of those who do not fit that binary, then I'm not sure I want that type of equality. It is unjust and has drastic consequences.

05 February 2006

My reactions to (or a review of) Brokeback Mountain

Warning: Spoilers

Before I discuss the movie itself, I would like to address the press the movie received. Brokeback Mountain has probably received more press than any other movie this year. Furthermore, it has acquired an epithet: the gay cowboy movie. This view of the movie is simplistic, at best. The movie deals with the hardships of life, forbidden romance, and family. The press the movie has gotten as a movie has been extremely positive, and while I enjoyed it thoroughly, I neither believe it is the best film ever or the best film of the nomination year. Brokeback Mountain has been called groundbreaking. However, movies such as Yossi v'Jagger and Fire predate it and have similar effects.

Beginning of Spoilers

If you're still reading this, and you don't want to find out what happens you should stop. Seriously.

Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) meet each other trying to earn some money in the summer of 1963. Over the summer they cultivate a relationship, emotionally, intellectually, and sexually. Ennis is quiet and reserved, while Jack is talkative and outgoing. Ennis is the epitome of masculinity while Jack wavers to the feminine side (and of course that places Ennis as a top and Jack as a bottom -how stereotypical.) Anyway, the character types remind me very much of the ones in Yossi v'Jagger. (Annie Proulx's short story predates Yossi v'Jagger, so it should be the other way around, but because I saw Yossi v'Jagger first, the parallel works the other way in my head.) Even some scenes seem to be the same in both movies. A scene with the men tumbling down a hill together comes to mind particularly.

Ennis and Jack's boss discovers the sexual nature of their relationship and ends the drive over Brokeback Mountain early. Then he denies Jack the opportunity to work for him the following summer. In November 1963, Ennis marries Alma (Michelle Williams) They have two children. Jack eventually marries someone as well. In 1967, Jack contacts Ennis to arrange a rendezvous. When they are reunited, they kiss, and Alma sees them. Jack and Ennis continue their "fishing expeditions," with Jack insisting that they ditch their wives and build a ranch together.

Ennis's marriage goes down the tubes as his wife's knowledge of his relationship with Jack increases. It ends in divorce. After the divorce Alma and Ennis still have their problems, and Ennis explodes at her over Thanksgiving dinner.

Warning: Ending Spoiler upcoming

Jack and Ennis continue their trysts until they both get frustrated with the situation and decide to break it off. Ennis writes to Jack and his postcard is returned stamped "DECEASED." Ennis calls Jack's wife to find out what happened, and she says there was an accident when Jack was changing a flat tire. Ennis, of course, know the truth (or suspects a reality), that is, that Jack was beaten to death on the road for being gay. Whether Ennis's suspicions are actually true is left a mystery in the movie, but his mental image of Jack being beaten is not. Although the bulk of the movie could or could not be about homosexuality, this part unmistakably was. That scene was especially hard for me to digest for two reasons. First, I have been physically accosted for being queer. Secondly, my beloved ended her life in a violent matter because of gender/sexuality issues. Anyway, although the scene was short, I almost vomited. During the phone call, Jack's wife said he wanted his ashes scattered over Brokeback Mountain, so she sent (half of) them to his parents. Ennis goes to see Jack's parents. Jack's mother is very accepting of Ennis and tells him to go up to Jack's room where he finds one of Jacks shirts and one of his hanging together, spattered with blood from the first summer they spent together. She lets him take the shirts, in fact, she wants him to take them. Jack's father thinks the whole thing sick, but still insists that Jack will be buried in the family plot. Jack's mother invites Ennis to come back to see them.

I would have ended the movie here. However, it continues. We see the girl Ennis briefly had something with enamoured with someone else. This scene is followed by one in which Ennis's older daughter comes to see him to tell him she is getting married and she wants him at the wedding. Although these scenes may show that life goes on despite hard circumstances, I think they are gratuitous.

End of Spoilers

Overall, the movie is excellent. The score and cinematography are amazing, the direction nears perfect, and the acting is very good. Heath Ledger's acting is quite good, although I think Jake Gyllenhaal's might be better even than his. However, Michelle Williams's performance as Alma was the best acting in the movie. One flashback was entirely unnecessary and stylistically inconsistent with the movie. Nevertheless, I would recommend this movie highly. (It is rated R, just for your information.)

03 February 2006

Publicity and the Post Office

I don't understand why workplace shootings a Post Offices get more attention than do other workplace shootings. At least as far as I know, workplace shootings in non-governmental facilities do not receive the same nation-wide coverage. One of my neighbors was killed in a workplace shooting in 2002, and I do not know of any national news organizations which picked up on the story. Either this is because news in LA gets more attention than news in Indiana, shootings of government workers or on government grounds get more coverage than shootings (of and by management) at a factory, or it is simply ridiculous.

31 January 2006

Coretta Scott King (1927-2006)

Coretta Scott King has been one of my role models since age nine or ten. That's essentially when I decided I was going to be an activist for equal rights and justice. Like her husband, she championed civil rights for all and nonviolent resistance as a way to achieve them. Furthermore, she advocated nonviolence as a way of life. She exhibited compassion, passion, and love in her private and public lives. She helped us to see the meaning of the words of Pirkei Avot: It is not up to you to finish the work, neither are you free to abstain from it.

Let us all remember Coretta Scott King and the lessons she has taught us.

Edit: It strikes me as profoundly interesting and appropriate that she passed away during Parashat Bo.

I wonder...

Usually, in romantic movies (boring hetero love) the lead actor and lead actress would each (if worthy) get nominated for Best Actor/Actress in a leading role.

So why is Heath Ledger nominated for Best Actor and Jake Gyllenhall for Best Supporting Actor? Would it be the same for another movie where the leads are of different genders and cannot build a life together for some reason?

30 January 2006

#4 - Across Five Aprils

This book, by Irene Hunt, who wrote the Newberry Award winning Up a Road Slowly, tells the story of Jethro Creighton, a boy living in southern Illinois at the time of the American Civil War. In addition to capturing the horrors and triumphs of the war, the book examines how families can be torn apart and strengthened by divisive issues and geographic circumstance. The book is extremely well-written. However, the best part of the book is that it contains no prejudice against the South or secession - only prejudice against slavery.

I highly recommend this book to any reader, even though you might find it in the children's section.

#3 - We are Witnesses: Five Diaries of Teenagers who Died in the Holocaust

In this book, Jacob Boas guides you through excerpts of five young Jewish diarists from all over Europe, each of whom suffered death at the hands of the Nazis. These diarists, including Anne Frank, write on the mundane and the philosophical. My complaint about this book is that Boas' narrations dumb down and detract from the diaries. If you can, get your hands on the full diaries, and read them instead.

#2 - Politcally Correct Bedtime Stories: Modern Tales for our Life and Times

This book presents politically correct versions of well-known fairy tales. The accounts are quite humorous, and the author (James Finn Garner) knows how to make the stories politically correct and poke fun at political correctness at the same time. A good, quick read.

#1 - The Black Stallion

My paperback edition of Water Farley's first novel -well, my brother's paperback edition- of The Black Stallion bills it as the best horse novel of the twentieth century. I believe Black Beauty was written in the nineteenth century, so I am inclined to agree.

The Black, the most beautiful and wild stallion in the world, it seems, saves a little boy from a shipwreck. Unfortunately, they end up stranded on an uninhabited island, on which the boy gradually is able to ride the horse. They get rescued, of course, (the boy will not leave without the horse) but that is not the end. They go to New York City, the boy's home, and find a way to keep the Black. The boy, and his neighbor in whose barn the Black is staying, decide they should race the Black. At the end, the Black enters a match race with the best horse of the east and the best horse of the west.

While on the surface, the book is about a racehorse, in reality it is about the bond between friends, even if one of them is an animal. The book is full of suspense, and could be finished in less than a day if you have the time. While reading, at several points I noticed the book was written for a child audience. Other than that, it is a seamless good read.

50 book challenge

Inspired by my friend Jose (www.mayornot.com), I have decided to take on the 50 book challenge - that is, to read 50 books (outside of require ones) in one year. I made this decision after finishing 4 books so far in 2006.

I will be presenting my 2006 Fifty Book Challenge book/progress reports in this blog.

A further word of explanation:
Part of my initial goal in reading books this year was to clear some space on my bookshelf to make room for the ones I inherited, so some of the books are childrens' novels which are of high quality and thus must be read before donating. I am restricting counting these books to counting ones which are over 100 pages long.