So... I'm in love.

I met H for the first time in December, at Hillel of all places. I figured she was too awesome to be single and put her in the no box at that point and didn't really get to know her well initially. She was, at that point, dating someone. Shortly after that, the two of them broke up.

Fast forward to February: my prayer group at Hillel put together a megilah reading and party for Purim. We had a lot of fun, and that was even before we started playing Apples to Apples. We played around 60 cards of Apples to Apples that night, and there were five of us playing, but there was only one person who really had my attention that evening. Together, H and I collected 42 cards, tied at 21 at the end of the game. I offered to walk her home and she consented to my offer. We had a wonderful conversation, albeit a strange one for a first talk. At this point I found out she was single. She closed the door and went up to her apartment, which she calls a flat. I turned to walk home and called a friend to gush about this woman, who I knew almost nothing about at that point other than we shared a sense of humor. Actually, we share a brain, but I did not know that yet.

I started fabricating excuses to hang out with H. She consented to many of my offers to hang out, and we talked about anything and everything. Eventually, I asked her on a date, to which she agreed. She canceled the date a little later, realizing she still had feelings for her ex, with whom she is now back together.

Interestingly enough, I got closer to her after that. She and I would call each other when we needed someone to vent to. She's amazing. I feel so comfortable around her. She understands me and I told her I love her even though she's dating someone else. She's promised to think about things.

Exciting Day

I woke up at 2:15PM - perhaps that's why I'm having so much trouble going to sleep. The last 24 hours have been quite exciting as well. About midnight Friday into Saturday, I had a seizure. It was the first seizure I had had in over 5 years. I was in bed next to the woman I'm in love with, who I'm not dating, and she dragged me to the hospital, understandably.

I got discharged from the hospital at around 6 in the morning. We went back to her place, which is closer to the ER and finally went to sleep. After waking up in the afternoon, I decided to back out on a commitment I had made for dinnertime because I felt so awful and so drugged from everything they gave me at the ER.

However, H had another idea, which was to go to the Taste of Chicago, where Band from TV was playing. Band from TV includes Hugh Laurie and Jesse Spencer, and H and I had a ball. In return, after the Taste closed for the night I dragged her to one of my favorite spots in Chicago. From the Quincy loop stop, there is an amazing view of the Sears Tower [sic], and tonight was the perfect sort of clear to show her.

Thoughts on Mechitzot

This year's fourth year graduates of the College at the University of Chicago were first years when I was a fourth year in college. Although I know some people who began college after my fourth year, this year's class is the last class I can say I'm familiar with. Particularly this class is the last one that I helped organize with as a student. As such, I was invited to share a last Shabbat at Hillel with one of them this past weekend. Walking out of Hillel on Saturday afternoon to go home and take a Shabbat nap (something which did not actually happen), one of my acquaintances at Hillel asked me which side of the mechitzah I would sit on if I were to attend services at Yavneh (the Orthodox minyan which meets at Hillel). I told her this is why I haven't been to Yavneh services in so long, which actually might have avoided her real question. So, in this entry I will try to explain my current thoughts on mechitzot and mechitzah minyanim.

I recognize that not all my readers, if I even have any, may be familiar with the idea of a mechitzah. A mechitzah, from the same Hebrew root as chetzi, or half, is a divider common in traditionally observant Jewish worship spaces which separates men from women during prayer. In most prayer groups that use a mechitzah, women are excluded from leading large portions of the service. Thus, the mechitzah serves to separate the uninitiated members (the women) from those initiated. Male children are allowed to sit on either side, being regarded as not-yet-initiated as opposed to uninitiated.

Ideologically and religiously I am personally opposed to such a separation. My religious beliefs necessitate an strict egalitarianism, and ideologically I am opposed to roles in the community that depend on sex or gender. Thus, my personal practice does not include worshiping in spaces with a mechitzah. I find it antithetical to my beliefs.

That said, and I might get kicked out of various progressive camps for saying this, I recognize that some people have a desire and even a religious need for single-sex and/or single-gender spaces. I recognize that having a men's side and a women's side can have a spiritual as well as a social function. However, even if women were separated but not restricted from leadership roles or counting in the quorum as they are at Yavneh, I would be bothered by the mechitzah's presence on an ideological and religious level. The existence of the mechitzah implies a binary between men and women which I do not believe exists.

Furthermore, I have a practical problem with mechitzot. I am a transmasculine thing who has large breasts and does not bind, but wears men's clothing. I read as neither man nor woman or maybe both. I would feel exceedingly uncomfortable on either side of a mechitzah. Furthermore, I feel it is disrespectful for me to sit on the women's side of a mechitzah as I do not identify as a woman. And I would probably be asked to leave most men's sides even if I decided that's where I wanted to sit.

My point is, if offered a choice of which side to sit on, I would prefer neither. I would prefer to pray without a mechitzah, as one community rather than two or even two parts of the community. This is my problem with the idea of tri-chitzah minyanim as well. Why divide the community of prayer?