In a Slow Down

Today seems to be passing extremely slowly. I try to live each day on its own, but that has come to be each hour, each minute, each second today. Maybe this should be telling me something, but I can't figure out what.

Eight years

It has been eight years since my beloved died, and yet it seems like yesterday we were in each other's arms. It has been longer since I've spoken to her, and yet I remember her voice vividly. Although it has been even longer since I saw her, her mannerisms stay with me still.

I fear that someday I'll forget, someday my memory of her will fade to the point where she is only a dream, only a whisper of who she once was. And then, what really was won't be, and her spark will have been extinguished. I know this is irrational; I know that I will remember her, even if the tone of her voice goes away, even if the curve of her cheek goes away. I know I'll remember the security I felt with her, the one-ness I experienced with her.

Asking

Please remember that you are never alone. There is always someone out there who understands your experience because ze has lived through a similar one. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Asking might keep you alive.

Those Funny Little Things

There are those funny things that will make you smile when you're having a rough time. I'm not talking about things that will lift you out of a depression - those are a different story. I'm talking about those little coincidences, events, and interactions, that have you smiling for at least a moment of your otherwise awful day.

For me, hearing "Small Town" by John Mellencamp reminded me of a friend who used to work in Seymour, Indiana, and of that friend's ability to cheer me up. So I smiled, maybe for the first time in two days, I smiled.

In Memory of All Those Who Died to Soon

I don't quite know how to begin this post, perhaps because I am still in shock. On Monday, I found out that a friend of mine was found dead in his apartment on Friday. A friend of mine, who would have started as a third year this year at the University of Chicago, was found dead. David, the friend, and I were not especially close, although we conversed on a regular basis. He chanted Torah for my naming ceremony. He a kind, gentle, soft-spoken person, but that did not detract from his determination. I am writing a letter to his family, which I hope to send soon.

This post in memory of those who have died too soon, including:
David Stein
Elizabeth Comer
Zac Polaski
Melody Jackson

May their memories be for blessing.