Becoming a Better Ally

I have known people who are polyamorous and out about it for awhile, but over the last few weeks, I have had the realization about myself that I need to be more openly and comfortably polyfriendly.  I am trying to keep educating myself and be aware when my own assumptions about life are colored by the value I place on monogamy.  I want to be able to recognize, acknowledge, and problematize that my own monogamous desires are not shared by everyone, and to speak up when others also use their assumptions about an inherent value on monogamy to evaluate the world and other people.

I am growing particularly more cognizant of this as its own kind of advocacy as more and more of my heterosexual friends are identifying as poly.  I firmly believe that poly is a queer identity and I am becoming aware that my heterosexual poly friends are coming into a queer identity abruptly, not necessarily having already accepted queerness as a mantle.  I hope that more monogamous queer folk will accept lovingly and fully our poly siblings and vocally and actively the systems of oppression surrounding assumption and validation of monogamous relationships.

I know I am still learning and I want help and advice as I strive to be a better ally.

Update about an Alexander week

This past week has been difficult for me.  I was confronted with open unapologetic transphobia and the lack of ability of some I considered friends to check it.  I also had to face my inability to speak up for myself when hate was directed at me.  I had a strong ally who spoke for in that situation, but I worried that these friends were complicit in the hate.  The conversation was painful for both of us.

This week as well, I've seen people from within and without the queer community dismiss a friend's queer identity as invalid or at best a choice.  And I have seen this friend's pain because of that and I am angry on her behalf.

I also had a moment yesterday where I realized I was taking a paskn from Rabbi Arnold Jacob Wolf in order to be an ally and as weird as it was to be cognizant of living Reform Jewish law, it was powerful for me to live into that experience.  Reform Jews are so good about talking about choice and occasionally good about talking about ethical sensibility, but we are horrible at talking about laws and obligations.  Sometimes we not only find actions compelling, but we are compelled to certain action.  I hope to be able to devote a post to this soon.