Home for the Holidays

There are certain things I dread about coming home, the foremost of which being how my parents and I will get along. After that, one of the biggest things is how many folks I have to hide myself from. I can count one fewer person among that group today. One of my fellow congregants, who is in my parents' age-group, subtly told me on Rosh HaShanah that she has known I am queer (specifically trans) for some time. Earlier today, on Yom Kippur, I asked her forgiveness for not having come out to her. She didn't know why I was asking. I asked her how long she had known, and she said essentially since my freshman year of high school. (I haven't even known, or at least been able to put my finger on it, for that long.) We had a good discussion about whether she should have told me, concluding finally that she shouldn't have, because I wouldn't have believed her. It's good to have someone at home I can talk to who is not only supportive but also understanding.

Here's hoping for a good year.

A Poem by my Grandfather's Rabbi, Alvin Fine

Birth is a beginning
And death a destination.
And life is a journey:
From childhood to maturity
And youth to age;
From innocence to awareness
And ignorance to knowing;
From foolishness to discretion
And then, perhaps, to wisdom;
From weakness to strength
Or strength to weakness-
And, often, back again;
From health to sickness
And back, we pray, to health again;
From offense to forgiveness,
From loneliness to love,
From pain to compassion,
And grief to understanding-
From fear to faith;
From defeat to defeat to defeat-
Until, looking backward or ahead,
We see that victory lies
Not at some high place along the way,
But in having made the journey, stage by stage,
A sacred pilgrimage.
Birth is a beginning
And death a destination
And life is a journey,
A sacred pilgrimage-
To life everlasting.

New Year, New Attitude?

Shanah tovah!

This year will be a very different one for me. I am living on my own (well, with a roommate), but not at home or in a school dorm. I am looking to start a career. I am looking to be more myself.

I pray that I may have the confidence to be myself, to like myself, and to become a me that I like.