Missing my love

Today I missed my love especially. It has been twelve years since we made our relationship official (in writing - facebook didn't exist yet).

I reveled in thinking about how stupid I was then, and how I haven't changed all that much since then in certain ways. I replayed my awkwardness over and over in my head. And I replayed our first kiss that ended the awkwardness, at least temporarily, over as well, trying to remember all the details about it that I could, and I surprised myself by how vivid my memory of that scene is. Maybe Ginkgo Girl can profit from making a teeny-bopper movie of my life after all.

I fast-forwarded to many of my favorite times with my love, trying today to focus only on our good times. I remembered countless nights of falling asleep listening to her voice and the feeling of waking up comfortable and secure in her arms. I remembered many instances of my own ineptness and her extraordinary ability to tease without malice. I remembered reading her poems by Rilke and noting which ones she liked to hear. I remembered the conscious effort I made to touch her shoulders rather than her face once she became uncomfortable with her stubble. I remembered sneaking into town in order to be ourselves.

I felt guilty that I was angry with her for so long. I was mad at myself for destroying so much both deliberately and inadvertently. I read the notes I had collected to send to her but never got the chance, and found a curious line: "May sounds nice, but it would have to be late May, after [my brother's] birthday. Don't worry, I won't make you wear that fake green dress I would buy you if I had a million dollars." I racked my brain to remember what the line referred to, but could only come up with one conjecture - we were planning a fantasy wedding.

Joe Donnelly's Latest Stunt

Joe Donnelly's latest tv ad has garnered national attention. In the ad, Congressman Donnelly (my representative) distances himself from the "Washington leadership" and puts forth an extremely strict and xenophobic position on immigration. Donnelly is a conservative democrat, both fiscally and socially. I am not surprised that his views on immigration are draconian, simplistic, and against the best interests of many residents (immigrants and native US citizens) of his district. I am however puzzled at his apparent need to distance himself from the democratic party even further.

Congressman Donnelly is facing a challenge from the very conservative State Representative Jackie Walorski. Thus, I do not understand the making of this ad from either a philosophical or a political perspective. Philosophically, Congressman Donnelly is already far to the right of both the left-wing and the moderate contingent of the Democratic party. Politically, he will not gain many votes by emphasizing issues on which he agrees with the most conservative Republicans because conservative Republicans in the district will vote for Representative Walorski anyway. A better political strategy for Congressman Donnelly would be to emphasize issues where he disagrees with Walorski in order to mobilize voters in the Democratic base. Voters who can't see the difference between Donnelly and Walorski will be far less likely to go to the polls. Donnelly should not be so complacent as to take the voting block of left-leaning Democrats for granted.

My thoughts on the recent developments in the ADL

I have disagreed with the ADL, and particularly Abe Foxman, on many issues over the years. Most of these issues have been issues on which Foxman and/or the ADL seek out prejudice and defamation in instances where I feel none exists. In general, Foxman and the ADL are that most sensitive spot on the body of the Jewish people that acts up with the same ferocity for the slightest provocation or lack thereof as it does when beaten with a two-by-four.

Although I have felt that the ADL should calm down on numerous occasions, and remember them being on the useless side of things a lot, I cannot remember thinking that the ADL and Foxman were just plain wrong about something as much as I think that they are on the issue of the mosque and Islamic center which is being built near Ground Zero in NYC. I understand suggesting a voluntary relocation of the center based on controversy avoidance, but assuming that Muslims seeking a place to pray and a multifaith community center are defaming the families of 9/11 victims, many of whom support the center, reaks of Islamaphobia. While I used to regard the ADL as the harmless knight that no one needed around anymore, it seems as though Foxman has turned it into an anti-Muslim political machine.

I personally am embarrassed by the stand that the ADL has taken on this issue. That said, the ADL does not speak for all Jews, and certainly does not speak for me on this issue. I hope that the ADL reconsiders its position, but I fear that that is not likely. I urge people who support (legally, ideologically, or on both fronts) the construction of the center to speak out, and was impressed with the remarks of Mayor Bloomberg. Furthermore, I fear that the ADL will lose any credibility it still has as a watchdog for hatred, as it seems to be engaged in the behavior of hate.

First Instinct

It still surprises me that after all this time, my first instinct when something extremely exciting or traumatic happens is to call my love. I found a job posting this morning and dialed the number to the ranch and hung up after one ring when I realized that not only is she not at the ranch, but no one is, as her parents are at the hospital - her dad has been admitted and her brother went to live with her aunt for a while.

I've had very limited contact with her mom and her brother lately and her father is in very poor condition after falling off the tractor due to heart problems. I hadn't realized how much I still cared for her parents until her little brother sent me a scared email about their dad. I mean, when people blame you for the death of their child, even if that blame is entirely misplaced, it's hard not to be angry, but they are still family, and I guess always will be.

Update

Strange times have been had. I have inflammation of my ribcage, which Ginkgo Girl, as H will heretoforth be known in this blog, (yes, I did write this sentence that way to get to use the word heretoforth), thinks she caused by sleeping on my chest. I highly doubt this.

Getting through the middle of July was particularly hard this year.

My love's father is recovering from serious injury.

A friend from NUJLS came to visit. We had lots of fun and took advantage of his chemistry knowledge.