Drinking

Today is the first time in a long time I have wanted to drink, and it may be the time I have most wanted to drink in my life. I don't intend to break my sobriety, but it's awfully tempting right now.

Frustration

It's been a while. A long while. Yet still, every once in a while I am surprised that my love is not there, that she has not called, that I have received no letter recently. So I go to call, or write, and then realize the reality of the situation. Sometimes this provokes additional sadness or even tears, but most times it elicits inward-reflecting frustration on my part, for not being able to move on appropriately.

Shabbat Nachamu

Shabbat Nachamu, this past Shabbat, is the first in a series of seven special shabbatot with haftarot of conciliation. Shabbat Nachamu, named for the week's Haftarah portion, signifies the start of the build-up to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, a start to the end of oppression and to a new life. However, this year I don't feel comforted. I am not commanded to be comforted, and if I am, I disobey a commandment. I want to wallow in my grief. I need to wallow in my grief.