In South Bend, Indiana, the clock reads 5:20 AM. I have been awake since 4. I cannot sleep.
Either this is my normal insomnia brought on by a manic episode, or, more likely, it is due to grief for my beloved. She would have turned twenty-one today. I would have visited her, either way, since yesterday was (interestingly enough) Suicide Prevention Day at the UofC, and we would have had a gay old time (pun originally not intended).
I still wonder some times if I could have done anything, or why I didn't. Intellectually I know I am not at fault, but emotionally I feel I am.
I plan to tell her parents the whole story today when I call to speak with them. It will be one of the hardest conversations of my life.
2 comments:
This is worrying...I hope verything is alright.
As for sleeping through mania, the trick is to sleep regularly (yes I know I am bad at that...) If you go to bed at baiscallyt he same time every day and night, it makes the highs and the lows less extrmee and makes it easier to deal with the mainia...a lot of it is pushing yourself to do things you do not want to do. whether eat or sleep...
<3
I'm trying. Don't worry.
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