Unanswered questions

I've been trying to write a post about remembering my love and I don't know what to write.  Do I write that I am still devastated by her loss on a daily basis?  Do I write that I'm terrified that Mr. Boy will meet the same demise she did?  Do I write that thirteen years is long enough for someone to become responsible, and I can see it in her fourteen-year-old brother?  Do I write that I wanted to escape, because I still don't want to deal with her loss?  Do I write that I'm conflicted as I start to let go and move forward?  Do I write about how weird I feel in the moments when I notice how similar Mr. Boy is to her?  Do I write that this is the hardest year yet?  Do I write that I feel lost without her even as I find direction in my life?