The Seventeenth of Tammuz is a minor fast day in Jewish tradition which commemorates the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem in 70 CE. Being a post-biblical minor fast, I did not observe it from the age of thirteen. The day starts a three-week mourning period between it and Tisha B'av, the day the Second Temple was destroyed. Tisha B'av is the saddest day of the Jewish year, and many other national tragedies are also commemorated on that day. I started observing it at Olin-Sang-Ruby Union Institute, which was one of the first observances that made me more frum than my parents. However, previous to this year, I had never observed Tzom Tammuz or the three-week period called bein hameitzarim (between the narrow places).
Last year, one of the women I am blessed to call "my rabbi" framed bein hameitzarim as the beginning of the trajectory to the High Holy Days. We hit a communal rock bottom which allows us to do the spiritual work of t'shuvah and reconcile with God during yamim noraim. So this year, I decided to try fasting for Tzom Tammuz. Minor fasts are observed from sunup to sundown, and the timing of Tzom Tammuz made it a fast between about 5:15 AM and 9:15 PM. But due to poor planning, I ended up accidentally fasting for about 28 hours. Jewish law permits self-care exemptions to fasting, so I did take my medicine.
I wasn't feeling well the day of Tzom Tammuz and stayed home from work. I spent a large part of the day, lying down, wishing the pain I was feeling would go away, and not really being able to eat even if I had wanted to. It felt like the world was breaking, which, I suppose is the point. When the day was over, a neighbor who is a good friend offered to feed me, which was good, because I wasn't sure if I could stand up for long enough to cook something.
As far as how the three weeks are going, I haven't felt too much in a mournful mood. Although certain things in my life are not desirable (my significant other is very ill), I feel like the events of the week are those of celebration for the most part. I don't mean to slight to the damage that repealing part of the Voting Rights Act or the limiting of what constitutes a supervisor for harassment cases does to society. These are unfortunate losses in the fight for equal dignity. But the Supreme Court asserted that people in same-sex relationships are human. I didn't need a court to tell me this, but it sure helps that they did. I feel grateful and victorious, not mournful and sad. And the coincidence with Pride celebrations just added to my internalization of the collective effervescence. Additionally, this year, Canada Day, American Independence Day, and Bastille Day all fall during the Three Weeks. My love's yahrzeit will fall in the Three Weeks this year, but even that does not make me feel spiritually low. I feel b'midbar, in the wilderness on the slow and steady march to Freedom Land. We may not be there yet, but we can see it from the mountain top. That makes me feel spiritually elevated. I know that I am on the right path, and my community is too. But then again, perhaps that was my rabbi's point anyway.
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